Poems about celebrities, culture, celebrity culture, and the culture of celebrity.
'Disbelief' by Johnny Jenkins
'Edwina Currie?!"
Norma retched again.
Norma retched again.
'A Poem About Rappers Living Together in a Post-Apocalyptic World, That Only Really Works if you Pronounce 'Jay-Z' Wrong' by Johnny Jenkins
Marshal Mathers hunts and gathers,
50 Cent guards the tent.
Kanye West's a massive pest,
Gets shot by Jay-Z, now he's dead.
50 Cent guards the tent.
Kanye West's a massive pest,
Gets shot by Jay-Z, now he's dead.
'Gaga's Wardrobe' by Johnny Jenkins
Meat frocks, veal socks,
Giant slippers made from cocks.
Giant slippers made from cocks.
'The Price is Rice' by Johnny Jenkins
Katie Price
Endorsed some rice.
Long-grain. Horrible brown stuff it was.
But people rushed out in their droves to get their grubby paws on it.
I suppose that's the power of celebrity.
Endorsed some rice.
Long-grain. Horrible brown stuff it was.
But people rushed out in their droves to get their grubby paws on it.
I suppose that's the power of celebrity.
'To Write' by Johnny Jenkins
Clarkson opened up the Word document
(He'd never had a problem with Windows '95, so why change now?)
The cursor blinked at him, condescendingly.
All he had was a title:
'Clarkson tells it like it is".
Even his publisher seemed to know it was all getting a bit formulaic.
He remembered their last meeting.
"Just churn out another one, Clarkson."
He sighed and started typing.
'...What is it with this country and its obsession with health and saftey?!'
Clarkson's heart wasn't in it.
He made himself a herbal tea and popped Loose Women on.
(He'd never had a problem with Windows '95, so why change now?)
The cursor blinked at him, condescendingly.
All he had was a title:
'Clarkson tells it like it is".
Even his publisher seemed to know it was all getting a bit formulaic.
He remembered their last meeting.
"Just churn out another one, Clarkson."
He sighed and started typing.
'...What is it with this country and its obsession with health and saftey?!'
Clarkson's heart wasn't in it.
He made himself a herbal tea and popped Loose Women on.
'Secret Santa Competition' by Johnny Jenkins
Putin put in a tin of pudding.
Merkel was certain the merkin would win.
Obama bought llamas - the flashy git,
But Berlusconi won it with hookers and gin.
Merkel was certain the merkin would win.
Obama bought llamas - the flashy git,
But Berlusconi won it with hookers and gin.
'Preening Arsehole Scumbag' by Johnny Jenkins
On tonight's episode of 'Who Do You Think You Are?'
Piers Morgan is asked to explain himself.
Piers Morgan is asked to explain himself.