Personal tales aka tales about persons aka people.
'Dr. Barnaby' by Johnny Jenkins
Dr. Barnaby Ofsted
Was named after the school inspections.
He'd been bullied excessively for it in year 9.
But now he had his PhD,
And Will Patton was homeless.
Was named after the school inspections.
He'd been bullied excessively for it in year 9.
But now he had his PhD,
And Will Patton was homeless.
'Walk to Work' by Johnny Jenkins
Barclay hated the 'Walk to Work' scheme,
Because he was a sealion and he looked ridiculous
Waddling along to the 3pm display.
Because he was a sealion and he looked ridiculous
Waddling along to the 3pm display.
'Online Dating' by Johnny Jenkins
Sarah's profile had been removed from UniformDating.com;
Apparently Sainsbury's didn't count.
Apparently Sainsbury's didn't count.
'Textbook Hook' by Johnny Jenkins
Captain Hook
Bought a book
On how to kill young boys.
The man in Waterstones was horrified
But it's weirder that they stocked it.
Bought a book
On how to kill young boys.
The man in Waterstones was horrified
But it's weirder that they stocked it.
'Buy' by Johnny Jenkins
"Buy Clarks!" barked Mark Sparks;
The bastard had more money than sense.
The bastard had more money than sense.
'Brace Yourself' by Johnny Jenkins
Jeremy adopted the brace position.
The legal process had been surprisingly easy,
And it was now his by right.
The legal process had been surprisingly easy,
And it was now his by right.
'Dream Job' by Johnny Jenkins
Owen's dream job was being the bloke,
Who stood in club toilets handing out soap.
Charging you money for using the sink:
Cheeky catchphrases paired with a wink.
He went to each nightclub dotted round town
To ask for a job - but they all turned him down.
Sad and despondent, he tried not to panic,
And went back to work as a spaceship mechanic.
Who stood in club toilets handing out soap.
Charging you money for using the sink:
Cheeky catchphrases paired with a wink.
He went to each nightclub dotted round town
To ask for a job - but they all turned him down.
Sad and despondent, he tried not to panic,
And went back to work as a spaceship mechanic.
'The Big Day' by Johnny Jenkins
Writing their wedding invite list was easy,
Because their friendship groups overlapped
And he was her Dad.
Because their friendship groups overlapped
And he was her Dad.
'Online Dating 2' by Johnny Jenkins
Don set up an online dating profile.
He got catfished
Which is exactly the sort of weird sexual stuff he'd been hoping for.
He got catfished
Which is exactly the sort of weird sexual stuff he'd been hoping for.